Tuesday, May 25, 2004

Looking for America

I'm empty and aching and I don't know why, counting the cars on the New Jersey Turnpike. They've all come to look for America...
- Simon and Garfunkel, "America"

I've gone on a search for America, as well as myself. Does this mean, then, that my very ideals embody America itself, and by looking for one I might find the other, or both in one? Hmm...Quite deep.

This weekend should prove to be very worth it. I'm glad to have time back to myself. Baby Boomer's is closed from Saturday through Monday, and we have school off from Friday to Monday. I don't have to work all week, so all those days are free for me. Freedom...that's all I really want...to be myself, to be in control. This week, I'm (to a greater extent than normal) in control. Freedom...isn't that America? I want me...I want America...So I'll search for them both.

I was probably one of the first people to submit my schedule for the Fall 2004 Semester at SU. I actually got a call from someone there regarding my choices. I wasn't aware that they'd already received the papers until today. They already graded my math aptitude test, too, and were pleased with the results. If they're pleased, then so am I.

I've been coming to terms with a better mental image of myself. If people (alright, I'll admit it: "people," meaning especially guys) pay attention to me, I'm happy and feel good about myself. If I'm rejected a lot, I feel terrible. Rejection -- my worst fear, the most painful thing in this world.

Final concert tonight at school. I am so sick of school concerts. Luckily, tonight, they'll all be over for me. Tomorrow, it's my time to shine at the National Honor Society induction ceremony, where I'll play "Master of Ceremonies" pretty much, since I'm the president. I'm playing piano that day, too, as everyone walks in. I'll make speeches, introduce people, etc. It'll be a good old, rousing Liz Petty Hour...?

Don't be us too shy, for knowing it's no big surprise that I will wait for you. I will wait for no one but you...- Dave Matthews Band

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