Sunday, May 30, 2004

This is the pure zone

I've been reading through my "thought book" from this past year, and have come across some interesting remarks that really foreshadow (ironically) what really took place over the course of this year.
"The thing is, I've made my own decision -- I'm not going to get into a committed, intense relationship this year...So this year I'm going to have my fun while it lasts because next year it's not going to matter anyway."
- excerpt from 9/11/03

"Why don't I just give up now, then, since it'll probably happen anyway and I'm just wasting my time now? Why? Four simple letters, my friends. Hope."
- excerpt from 9/21/03

"Honesty has become a huge thing with me. I tell the truth, the honest truth, to people all the time...In turn, I expect the honest, sometimes hurtful truth from everyone I come into contact with...
I think I'm becoming attached. I don't know if that's good or bad. The last time I became attached, it was a disaster. Come to think of it, the last 3 times I became attached ended in disaster...
We're growing up. It's strange. I still can't believe what's in store after graduation, when I'll be saying goodbye to childhood forever, as well as possibly several friends I've known practically since birth. I'd rather not think about it now, though...
People always say shows like Dawson's Creek are too dramatic and unrealistic, but I just can't help but disagree...Yes, it really is possible for someone that young to have that much drama in their lives...
We're all growing up way too fast. And yet, with some odd sort of clarity, it all seems to fit together and make sense."
- excerpt from 11/15/03

Sooooo ironic. It seems as if the things I predict end up getting turned around on me as the days progress. I've learned a lot. I've come such a long way this year. I'm just wondering now if that change has brought upon a person that I can like. Now I'm making predictions about college, how it'll be easier for me to find someone, but I still look at all of that with a sceptical perception. Who knows what lies ahead?
I've grown and learned so much this year just by living. My perceptions on life are radically changed as opposed to when I got home. Sometimes I feel more confused, sometimes I feel like I've gone backward, and I don't know if any of that's true. In any case, I'm moving forward.
I'm seeking some kind of...revival; some kind of intimacy, a joining, a partner, someone to share myself with. This kind of relationship is not always fun, trust me, but it's a step above what's normal...it's incredible.
Now we all know the words were true in the sappiest songs. Yes, yes...
- Death Cab for Cutie, "A Movie-Script Ending"

3 Comments:

At 8:00 PM , Blogger Dries said...

Thanks for your comment... I'm reciprocating :d
So I take it you just graduated, too...

 
At 10:51 PM , Blogger Liz said...

I will graduate on the 26th -- geez, I can't wait.

 
At 3:48 AM , Blogger Dief said...

oh how i love death cab for cutie...

ps - congrats to both of you!

 

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