Wednesday, August 04, 2004

The whole world sharing one big kiss

I can't seem to get David Gray songs out of my head these days...
The Welcome Home Dinner was a success -- I found the place alright (which is saying a lot for a girl who can't find her way through Frankfort, much less Syracuse [Aaron can attest to this]). Dinner and the company was good. It plainly wasn't a night for me, it was a night for the rebounds. Things like that kind of bum me out. When I attend something that obviously isn't meant for me to shine, I feel kind of out of place. But I let them have their moments in the sun. Not that there was anything I could do about it. I know it kind of sounds selfish and all, but that's just how I feel.
22 more days until I start my new life. I'm getting worried about my relationship with Aaron, whether it'll survive my college experiences or not. Actually, I'm getting really worried. I've sensed this distance growing between us lately. I've tried to amend it by paying more attention to him when we're together, but he just doesn't seem to reciprocate it. I'm wondering if he's already starting to get into the "best friends" mode that we talked about before. I don't know if I can stand things being that way. I need that intimacy...not just physically, either. In every sense of the word. I don't know. I just don't like this distance, or this feeling of distance that I've been getting lately. I feel neglected in some way, yet I can't really explain it.

Please forgive me if I act a little strange,
For I know not what I do.
It feels like lightning running through my veins
Every time I look at you.

Help me out here, all my words are falling short,
And there's so much I want to say.
I want to tell you just how good it feels
When you look at me that way...

David Gray, "Please Forgive Me"
Anyway, I don't know what to say anymore. Words just don't do it justice.


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