Thursday, November 25, 2004

The world is not enough

Happy Thanksgiving! In honor of Turkey Day, I decided to change the template around a little.
I'm home until Monday. We celebrated Thanksgiving here today. Nadja and I also watched Good Bye Lenin...it's been a long time since I've seen a German movie. I hope I didn't eat too much.
We watched old home videos. They say I looked thinner about two years ago. Man...That kind of hurts.
Tomorrow we leave for Buffalo to visit Grandpa Earl and Dolores. I never really like going to the nursing home. It's such a depressing, boring place. It's not that I don't want to spend time with my family -- I do -- it's just, so sad and boring, because all they do is sit around and do...nothing, really. I'll probably get a lot of reading done. Maybe I'll even read some for COM. I should probably also make up questions to ask some people for my newest story for the DO, which hasn't left my mind all week. Go figure; I try to relax at home and even that stuff won't cease to leave me. Oh well. It's my job, after all, isn't it?
Also in Buffalo, I won't have much of a chance to access the Internet. Randy and I really need to talk. He seems really busy at home, too, which saddens me. There's like this divide between us that's kept us from really talking, from saying what needs to be said and moving away from that, either in a way that strengthens what is left of what we have now, or in a way that causes us to move away from each other even more, possibly for good. I'm afraid of that second scenario -- very afraid.
I'm not sad or anything -- just melancholy. Actually, I'm pretty relaxed, happy to be home and not having anything to do. It's just -- I miss friends. I miss those connections. I know that, though, by going back to school I'll be going back to the work and the stress. Still, that's something I've grown accustomed to. Along with the work come the friends and the wonderful experiences that have made me who I am now and that will continue to make me who I'm supposed to be.
New favorite song: "The Professor" by Damien Rice. It's simply genius -- the perfect combination of amazing poetry put to an amazing musical background.
...Here's to the man with his face in the mud
And an overcast play just taken away
From the lovers in love at the center of stage.
Loving is fine if you have plenty of time
For walking on stilts at the edge of your mind.
...
Why the fuck is this day taking so long?
...
Well, closer to God is the one who's in love.
And I walk away 'cause I can.
Too many options may kill a man.
Loving is fine if it's not in your mind,
But I've fucked it up now, too many times.
Loving is good if it's not understood.
Yeah, but I'm the professor
And I feel that I should know...
What makes him tick apart from his prick
And the lonelier side of the jealousy stick.
I don't know...I don't know.
Hell, I don't know you anymore...


-- Damien Rice, "The Professor"

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