Saturday, December 25, 2004

Me, Maggie, and my "sister" Nadja under the Christmas tree the night before the "marathon" began (notice the cat in the background!)

Merry Decemberween, everyone! I got up at an unusual time today: 8 am...I suppose I should get used to it. Next semester the only time I'll get to sleep will be Thursday, Friday and Saturday nights!
I won't bore you with details of what I got for Christmas; mostly because I haven't gotten it all yet. I got a nice Syracuse sweatshirt, though, which I love dearly. Finally, something from my own school! I also got a deck of "invisible" cards. The boys on 16 are gonna love me once I bring these babies back!
I went to a Brant party the other night. I know I keep on saying this, but they just aren't the same as they used to be. At least I'm not the only one who's noticed. It just isn't the same, now that the old gang's kinda broken up and gone their separate ways. I did, however, see Louis. That was a great surprise. We talked for awhile about school, friends, what's changed, etc. Good times. I really miss him. I think I'll probably continue to miss him as time goes on.
Jeremy called me on Christmas Eve to wish me Merry Christmas. He's a real sweetheart. I was touched when I listened to his message.
I miss all my Cuse friends. I've realized that they're the most amazing things to ever happen to me. I feel like I belong, like they want me around. It's a good feeling. Friendships with people like those are hard to find these days.
I'm just wasting the time away until we go to my grandparents' to open more presents and eat ham...Until then, my friends, a better-feeling Liz is off to explore the potential and opportunity hidden within the infinite abyss. Wish me luck.

Friday, December 24, 2004

A deep-sworn vow

"I don't get many things right the first time. In fact, I am told that a lot. Now I know all the wrong turns and stumbles and falls brought me here."
- Ben Folds, "The Luckiest"

"So this is odd, the painful realization that all is gone wrong..."
- Dashboard Confessional, "The Brilliant Dance"

"Please forgive me if I act a little strange, for I know not what I do. It feels like lightning through my veins every time I look at you. Help me out here; all my words are falling short, and there's so much I want to say. I want to tell you just how good it feels when you look at me that way."
- David Gray, "Please Forgive Me"

"Everything is quiet since you're not around. I live in the numbness now in the background. I do the things we did before...The plans I make still have you in them 'cause you come swimming into view. And I'm hanging on your words like I always used to do, the words we used so lightly: 'I only feel for you.' I only know because I carry you around in the background...I felt you long after we were through..."
- Third Eye Blind, "The Background"

"And there's this burning just like there's always been. I've never been so alone and I've never been so alive."
- Third Eye Blind, "Motorcycle Drive By"

"And so it is, just like you said it would be. Life goes easy on me most of the time. And so it is, the shorter story; no love, no glory, no hero in her sky. I can't take my eyes off of you...until I find somebody new."
- Damien Rice, "The Blower's Daughter"

"Some things in life may change, and some things, they stay the same, like time. There's always time on my mind. So pass me by. I'll be fine. Just give me time."
- Damien Rice, "Older Chests"

"I'm taking a chance on the wind. I'm packing up all my bags. Making a mistake I'm going to make, then I'm glory bound."
- Martin Sexton, "Glory Bound"

"But things just get so crazy, living life gets hard to do. And I would gladly hit the road, get up and go if I knew that someday it would lead me back to you...Back and forth we sway like branches in a storm; changing weather, still together when it ends...Sunday morning rain is falling and I'm calling out to you, singing someday it'll bring me back to you. Find a way to bring myself home to you."
- Maroon 5, "Sunday Morning"

"I never believed that things they happen for a reason and they never go as planned...Time, it passes and it tells us what we're left with. We become the things we do. Me, I'm a fool spent from defiance. Yeah, you got me, but I didn't give up on you...And it's not easy being me, but I can't promise I will mend or bend when you believe that we are fixed now from our birth. And I've just fallen back to earth. Still, you know I'll try again, 'cause I believe that we are lucky; we are golden, we are stolen manners in the days when we were one. So when I see you, despite all that we've become, I'm still blinded, but I'm still staring down the sun. When I see you, I'm blinded."
- Third Eye Blind, "Blinded"

"So I look to my Eskimo friend when I'm down..."
- Damien Rice, "Eskimo"

Friday, December 17, 2004

Mistakes we knew we were making

This says everything just perfectly -- at least, it's what I hope to do.
So we bottled and shelved all our regrets,
Let them ferment and came back to our senses,
Drove back home, slept a few days,
Woke up and laughed at how stupid we used to be.

- Straylight Run, "Mistakes We Knew We Were Making"

This is also extremely fitting for my situation.
I can see
It took so long just to realize
I'm much too strong
Not to compromise.
Now I see what I am is holding me down.
I'll turn it around.

- Boston, "Don't Look Back"
I suppose you could say I'm finished with debauchery for awhile. Just for awhile, though.
It's strange how I want to come home, but now that I'm here, all I'm really doing is planning for a time when I could see my friends from school again. I'm definitely hoping to catch a flight to NYC to see Ivan and stay with Jeff. That would be wicked fun, especially since I've never spent time in the Big Apple with friends before. I was hoping to go to see the ball drop on New Year's Eve, but I doubt that'll happen.
I'm wondering what's going to develop when the marching band goes to Orlando in a couple days. I kind of wish I could be there with them -- even though I'm not even in the band. Then again, I've never been to Orlando -- let alone Florida -- before. I guess you could say I'm hoping for the best.
For the first time I was the "subject," of sorts, of someone's blog. Interesting. I don't really want to comment on it because, frankly, I'm not going to fight with anyone. I'm not in a competition, here. That just isn't how I operate. But...I'm scared about what could possibly happen. That's all I'll say. I'm scared. I suppose I'm just going to lay things down for the meantime, until my sky shines down a little brighter over me. One day...maybe things will work out after all.
I'm settling back into the "small-town" mentality, if you could call it that. I'm getting ready to see old friends from home and have to realize that they aren't my friends from school, therefore they need to be treated somewhat differently. Not better, not worse -- just differently. It's hard to explain. Jeff would just tell me that I live in a "hick town." Well, unfortunately, it's kind of true. I think I'm a girl raised in a hick town whose soul belongs in the city and the suburbs, where all the action is. I want to be where it all takes place -- I want to be the one who makes things happen, not the ones who sit around and watch it all unfold before their eyes.
It's time to play some piano, to lose myself between the keys and hammers and guts of the instrument and just evacuate my soul for awhile. It's time to reach satori at last.

Thursday, December 16, 2004

Come waste your time with me

People with a secure attachment style are warm, open and trusting. They are typically comfortable with themselves and show high regard for others.
Attachment style begins in infancy with the interactions we have with our parents or primary caregivers. Through these early relationships we begin to understand the dynamics and patterns of close relationships and we carry this perspective into our adult relationships.
Psychologists call your attachment style Preoccupied.
You tend to worry about being abandoned in your romantic relationships. You have a strong desire for closeness, but may feel that others seem unwilling to get as close as you would like. It's likely that your openness to relationships is one of the first things potential partners notice about you.
39% of those who have taken our test share this style of attachment.
Your answers on our test show that when it comes to relationships you are still wrestling with some of your earliest attachment issues. While you may have resolved some issues, there is still room to grow and you have the potential to develop healthier relationship patterns.

How. True. Is. That.
Yeah, so I copied Whitney and took the test. Whatever.

Tuesday, December 14, 2004

No love, no glory

Do you ever get those days when you want to just tell someone to go to hell?
I had a nice lunch "date" today with Jeremy. He's a real sweetheart. Afterwards, I watched Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind for fun...well, I don't know if you could call it fun. I mean, it's a good movie. It just brought back too many...memories.
This is one of those days that every song seems like the saddest song.

Sunday, December 12, 2004

Zum Geburtstag

It's my 19th birthday today!

Saturday, December 11, 2004

The blower's daughter

Man...I'll admit, I've finally fallen madly in love -- with Damien Rice.
And so it is,
Just like you said it would be.
Life goes easy on me
Most of the time.
And so it is,
The shorter story;
No love, no glory,
No hero in her sky.

I can't take my eyes off of you...

And so it is,
Just like you said it should be.
We'll both forget the breeze
Most of the time.
And so it is,
The colder water,
The blower's daughter,
The pupil in denial.

I can't take my eyes off of you...

Did I say I loathe you?
Did I say that I want to
Leave it all behind?

I can't take my mind off of you...
'Til I find somebody new.

- Damien Rice, "The Blower's Daughter"

(Happy 19th Birthday to me tomorrow!)
My first final (COM 107) is over and done with at last. I stayed up half the night last night studying for it and was forced to miss a band party at 829, as well as a DO party at 715 Livingston. *sigh* Lord knows what I'll do tonight to pass the time between now and that magical hour of noon, when my family comes to whisk me away to Coleman's Irish Pub (Jeremy helped me pick it out) and lavish my grandfather and me with presents. :-D New cell phone/plan?
Nevertheless, the final was very easy -- a lot easier than I'd thought it would be. A lot of people were like, "Why are you taking a final on a Saturday morning?!" The reason is because I have another final that coincides with the real final, so I had to take it on the "early" date. Therefore, I spent my Friday night studying, while the rest of SU reveled in Last-Day-of-Classes bliss.
On Monday I'll probably have my interview at the DO for the position of assistant editor. I just hope I don't end up in copy, because that would suck. I'd never sleep. Ever again.
Did I say I loathe you?
Did I say that I want to
Leave it all behind?
I can't get those lines off my mind...

Friday, December 03, 2004

I'm blue (da ba dee...)

"It makes your head look like a penis." - Boston on my hat