Monday, January 10, 2005

Time to press "play"

I think I explained everything perfectly to Jeremy tonight when he (surprisingly) called me. It really made my day (if not, at least half my week) to hear the voice of one of my best friends at SU.
I basically said that my real life is at SU, and I've just paused it for awhile to come home. At first it was like a breath of fresh air, the quiet, the family, the old-town mentality rushing back to my veins, the mentality I'd known most of my life. Then, I began to realize why I wanted to leave in the first place. I don't feel like I belong here. I never really have. At school, I belong. I have an amazing bunch of friends that I've grown so much with last semester and who I hope to stay with for the rest of my duration in the 'Cuse. My heart belongs to them. Time goes on here, but my life is still paused. I feel this incredible urge to go back, press "play," and watch as everything unfolds, as we all come back together and see what happens as our relationships grow and change once again. I need this. I need to press "play" and resume my real life. There's so much that will happen next semester. I'll have the experience of 1 extra class, since last semester I only did 12 credits and this one I'm doing 15. Add to that the excitement (and future stress) of a job at the Daily Orange, along with the usual stories I'll write for them. Talk about a full schedule! Weekends will be my savior, where I'll get to rest up and party all night long. First upcoming party I know of: the changeover party the DO'll be throwing. I'm on paid staff now, so let the good times roll!
Just one more day to get through and then Alex will be here! Tomorrow, at least, I'll have something to do, even if it only means going with the mall (once again) with Nadja, this time to return some clothing we didn't like that Grammy gave us. I need PJ pants, too (maybe those boxers I've wanted?), because I had some that recently I discovered I had to trash because of the incessant rip in the crotch that kept coming back no matter how many times you sewed it back together. *sigh* Those PJ pants and I have been though a lot together! (Don't get any sick ideas, now! ;-P)
Well, I figure I might as well end my day the same way I've ended every other: computer, phone calls to random SU folk, and bed. Sayonara, my dearies.

Saturday, January 08, 2005

On your way to the best years of your life

Well, what a week it's been. It's been one of the best weeks in a long time, even better than the week of Christmas. All these high feelings, the butterflies. It's exhilirating. To quote Kevin Spacey..."Spectacular..."
Alex is coming to visit me on Wednesday for two whole days! I checked the weather and all this snow should be melted by then since we're supposed to get some warmer "warmer" I mean 40s, of course. ;-P That's a heat wave for this time of year!
So I'm pretty excited. It's odd how it takes less time for Alex to get from western Massachussetts to central New York than it takes for me to get to my nana's house in any rate, it'll be really nice to see someone from SU -- I'm dying here in this little town with nothing to do. The roads are bad, which means I can't go out and do stuff. Not that the stuff I wanna do doesn't cost money to boot -- money I'm not too sure I have right now. At any rate, it feels wonderful to know that I mean that much to Alex that he'd drive out to see me. The feelings are mutual, my friend.
In other (good) news, Randy and I are (civilly) talking again. It's great. I always enjoyed his company. Now some things have obviously changed, but to me it seems as if we're still like we used to be before, only without the whole romantic entanglement thing. I could get used to this. I'd like to be considered one of his best, closest friends someday. I'd like to be that for him too. Time will tell. Time will tell. Thankfully, I've found, in time, everything works out perfectly in the end.

Tuesday, January 04, 2005

I am the luckiest...

...because Ben Folds is coming to SU on January 29th!!! Read it and weep, fellas! I'll probably be going with Alex, my new, fellow-newspaper-major best friend, hehe. He and I have been talking online recently, and I've noticed that we have more in common than anyone else I've ever met. Amazing.
I can't wait until I go back to school. There's so much I can do there that I can't do here. I miss all my friends terribly. I just feel like I'm at this standstill and there's nowhere to go and nothing to do -- like I've put my life on pause for a moment -- and I want so badly to press play again. Besides, you're looking at the DO news desk's newest assistant copy editor -- and I'm ready and rarin' to start making some hard-earned money! Yes, that's right -- I am a working woman, for a newspaper, nonetheless. Who woulda thunk?! It's going to be an awesome semester -- excruciatingly tiring, but awesome, nonetheless. I'm ecstatic, and excited about all the potential this new semester carries. New classes, new friends (and old ones, of course!), new parties, new jobs, new chances to fall in love and become even closer to my awesome group of pals...a new year. Amazing how much potential is held in all that possibility.
Alex's latest livejournal entry made me realize that I haven't posted my grades for last semester yet. Therefore, I shall follow his example and post my own, since they're all up.
MAT 221: A-
COM 107: B
BIO 121: B
GER 300: A
GPA: 3.385
Not bad. I was expecting the B in biology -- science has never been my thing, especially a science with lab. At least I got it out of the way. I was, however, surprised about my math grade. I'm also glad to have gotten that class over with, as well. I love math, but not when that math happens to be statistics. I was very happy about my German grade -- it was expected, but I was still very happy to see it. That class was simply awesome, and, literally, enlightening. I absolutely loved it. I'll have to sign up for another class with Prof. McCort next year, being as I need two more language requirements. I'll probably need to fulfill even more later on when I declare my minor (which will be German).
My COM 107 grade was absolutely devastating. It's for my major, my first Newhouse course, and I did hopelessly terribly. It was probably because of that C- on the first exam, and all those bad grades I probably got on the current events quizzes. Also, the TA was a horrible and extremely tough grader. Oh well. Hopefully my graphics course next semester will be better. I'm really excited about News 205 next year.
I have a mall craving. I've wanted to go to Carousel with Aunt Mo for a couple weeks now, but she's been sick. Hopefully soon she'll be better so we can go. I've had this urge to buy guys' boxers -- they'd be pretty hot to sleep in with a nice tank top. Hmm...
Trevor might come visit me this weekend after the SU basketball game he's going to play at! I'm excited -- I hope everything works out. That'd be fun. Even one small visit from one of my friends from SU will give me hope that it won't be long before I get to go back. I suppose such are the thoughts of many of my freshmen colleagues. *sigh* To be stereotyped...oh well. One more credit and I'd have sophomore standing!
If you haven't already, I suggest downloading or buying the new Green Day album, American Idiot. It isn't bad for Green Day. I'm not a big Green Day fan myself, but I was pretty impressed. You wannabe punks are going to yell at me now, aren't you? Well, sorry, I'm not a punk anyway, much less a wannabe one, so bleh. ;-P Most of you know I have very picky (and elite) taste. I'm still looking for and dreaming of the new Led Zeppelin, the Utopia band that will never be again...*sigh* Oh well.

Saturday, January 01, 2005

Happy freaking new year

Well, my trip to Troy proved successful. I may not have gotten drunk this New Year's Eve, but it was a good time anyway.
I've made the decision: I'm going to consciously try to get over Randy now. I realized that it's no longer worth it to waste my time and feelings on someone who will never reciprocate them. I won't say I'm not bitter about all that's happened and all that's bound to happen, because I am. It's going to take time for me to get back on the road. I'd love more than anything to be friends with him again -- to maybe be a special friend, someone he confides in -- but that won't be possible for a long time, not until I fix everything I've messed up these last few months. I always seem to be either breaking or fixing things, don't I?
Nonetheless, it was good to get out of the house for awhile. Traveling alone is so exhilirating -- I have the wind at my back, the open road before me, and an infinite amount of possibility. It's the ultimate feeling of freedom. I feel most alive when I'm traveling, when I'm on the road, either by myself or with close friends. That and music are my natural high. And when combined...the results are purely orgasmic. ;-P
"Jane says, 'I ain't never been in love. I don't know what it is.' She only knows if someone wants her. 'I want them if they want me. I only know they want me.'
... I'm gonna kick tomorrow."

- Jane's Addiction, "Jane Says"