Wednesday, June 08, 2005

A glance into the past

I just received a letter that I wrote to myself last year in high school. At last, it's come back to me. I dated it June 7, 2004. After reading through it, I was so surprised at what I'd written, and how candidly, to an extent, that I'd predicted the future.
Dear Liz,

It's hard to believe that in one year, this past version of myself, this vision into your past life, will reach you and you will remember all those wonderful experiences that took place during the year that has yet to happen at this present time. Time is a wonderful, confusing enemy -- it's never been on my side, yet maybe that's what makes those moments you wanted to drag out a little longer all the more precious.
I know, I'm getting all philosophical, even this early into the letter. I don't intend to write a novel, but maybe that's really inevitable. After all, the art of writing is knowing when to stop, right? I just want to bring your attention back to that outgoing, somewhat curious/exploratory, "cute" girl-next-door type who this year has become more comfortable with herself and in her skin than in any previous year. I hope that, when you read this, you'll be just as or even more comfortable with the woman you've become.
This past weekend has been one of the most inspirational and engaging weekends of this year. I hope you're still "hanging out" with Aaron, who, right now, I can easily consider my "soulmate." I've never met someone who mirrors my thoughts and personality in so many different ways. It's sometimes so scary, but so exciting. Maybe by now you've even fallen in love with him. Maybe you've actually gotten over those innocent fears and have let yourself go and have fully opened up yourself to him. Maybe someone else has come along -- I know how you always like to think and wait around for something better.
Of all things, I hope that you're happy with yourself, and that because of that, others are happy with you as well. Those two aspects and opinions play off each other in a mirror effect in so many intricate ways. Maybe you're farther along on your path to "enlightenment," as I like to call it now. "We are one with God and God is one with us." It's all joined in one simple yet totally complicated, tranquil equilibrium that is too amazing and complex to even begin to describe. Perhaps by now you've found some more suitable wording. You're still going to be a journalist, right? You've always been a writer, Liz. You express yourself through words, and that's how it'll always be. That's how it was meant to be.
Have you been in love yet? Has Aaron won your heart, or has someone else? I can't stop thinking about that weekend -- he told me last night that true love must be an ongoing rememberance and experience of all those memorable moments you had with that person. I wish I could bring back the intense feelings I felt spending with him, even though I've only really known him for less than three days now. It's so hard to believe that I saw him on stage at my own Rotary orientation two years ago and never really talked to him, but that over the course of the last two days I came to know him better than I even know myself -- he often tells me not to try to explain something if he sees I'm finding it difficult -- he understands. I've never had someone like that before. Liz, I hope that you're at least still in contact with him. I really do.
What's with Chris? And Brant? And Sky, Woody, Mo, and all the rest? What about Will and the other exchange students? How did your mentoree Kate do on her exchange to Switzerland? How did Kyle Martin do in Sweden? Are you still actively involved in Rotex? Maybe you even hold an office, although that would be a big stretch in hope. How were the concerts that you experienced this year?
Well, time is of the essence, as with all things. Maybe I should get back to reading Neal Gabler's Life: The Movie for summer reading. ;-) I love you and think about you often, which is probably self-explanatory and goes without saying. Keep writing, keep being that person who is so in touch with their feelings and expresses them in such a way that it boggles even your own mind how those words come out. Don't go back into yourself like you wanted to before. Don't be discouraged, don't give up, work hard, play harder, and remember that the future is no place to place your better days. Live it all, exprience it all, and wear sunscreen. Enjoy every kiss, savor every moment, love and appreciate the balance you so heavily believe in. All of these emotions are so strong -- play off of it all. Enjoy, savor, and remember Sal and Dean and their adventures. Read that book again. You can't go wrong.

Until next time,
Liz ;-)

P.S. Always remember: it's not "wrong," it's just "different."

Interesting. It gets me thinking of that great song by Thisway...

Faces I remember, I still see,
And places in a memory hold on to me.
And I can't wait to crawl out of my shell.

Promises tell me in a thousand ways.
Moving on forever, living life this way.
And I can't wait to crawl.
I can't wait at all.
I can't wait anymore.

'Cause if I wait too long,
How am I ever gonna reach my destination?
Now I know the time has come.
It's all right here,
Yeah, it's all so clear to me.

Eyes, they open slowly. It's so hard to see.
I've never seen an angel, but I'm trying to believe.
And I can't wait to crawl.
I can't wait at all.
I can't wait anymore.

-- Thisway, "Crawl"


At 6:02 PM , Blogger Lisa said...

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At 12:41 AM , Anonymous Jordan said...

I won't lie, I'm jealous about this Aaron. I'm your hetero-lifemate, and all of a sudden there's this stupid BOY in the way?!

haha joshing. anyway...was is?! Ich leibe (some) Liz Petty (ass)

(German Don impression)

uhh...less than three months until SOUTHNESSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

yeah, I'm a niglet


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