Wednesday, December 28, 2005

I find peace when I'm confused

So to clarify: Yes, I got into an "accident" (can you really call it an accident when there was no damage to the car or anyone/-thing else?) the other day.
My brother and I were driving back from the mall, where we had spent some time returning most of his Christmas gifts (clothing) and buying much better stuff a la American Eagle (I've turned him into an AE poster child). It had just started snowing pretty badly, and the plow hadn't come through the highway yet, so the road was covered in slippery snow. I was doing about 50 miles per hour in a 55 zone, and as I went to pass someone, I swerved out of control: far left, then far right, then all the way around to where I was driving backwards, then around again and (thank God) into a ditch on the right side of the road. The whole time, I was hoping I wouldn't hit any oncoming traffic; luckily I didn't. I was also worried I would go off the left side of the road down the hill onto the other part of the highway with even more oncoming traffic. I really don't know how, but we landed perfectly in this ditch full of snow. Seriously, this gives me another reason to believe there exists some kind of higher power. Ahead of us about 100 feet was another car that had swerved off into the ditch.
A big guy pulled over by us and asked if we were OK: We were. He stayed by us while my brother called my parents, who then called a tow truck to pull us out, and waited with us until the tow truck got there. Unusually enough, this was the one day I had left my cell phone charging at home, and my brother had brought his, something abnormal for him.
As the tow guy was pulling us out, the cops came up and asked for my license, my brother's permit (who knows why they wanted his identification) and the car's registration and insurance information. I had passed them earlier as they were helping out yet another car that had swerved off the road. They gave it back to me just as the tow guy had finished pulling the car out. One of the cops went around the car, looking for damage: Thankfully, there wasn't a scratch. I drove the rest of the way home, very slowly this time.
So everything's OK. It's strange: I wasn't really freaking out at all as we spun around. I was collected, but letting out a few swear words now and then as I tried to get control of the car. I still wonder how I managed to get out of the situation with everything intact. Someone up there must like me ... though it's more probable he or she likes my brother more.

Thursday, December 22, 2005

Tonight's the night the world begins again

And you ask me what I want this year,
And I try to make this kind and clear:
Just a chance that maybe we'll find better days.
'Cause I don't need boxes wrapped in strings
And desire and love and empty things,
Just a chance that maybe we'll find better days.

-- Goo Goo Dolls, "Better Days"

Saturday, December 17, 2005

This is how I feel

This year's love had better last.
Heaven knows it's high time,
And I've been waiting on my own too long.
But when you hold me like you do,
It feels so right.
I start to forget how my heart gets torn
When that hurt gets thrown,
Feeling like you can't go on.

Turning circles, when time again,
It cuts like a knife.
If you love me, I've got to know for sure,
Because it takes something more this time
Than sweet, sweet lies
Before I open up my arms and fall,
Losing all control,
Every dream inside my soul

When you kiss me on that midnight street.
Sweep me off my feet,
Singing, "Ain't this life so sweet?"

This year's love had better last.
So who's to worry if our hearts get torn
When that hurt gets thrown?
Don't you know this life goes on?
Won't you kiss me on that midnight street?
Sweep me off my feet,
Singing, "Ain't this life so sweet?"

This year's love had better last.

-- David Gray "This Year's Love"

This must be how you feel

I've got no reason
But that I must.
Lately I feel
Like I've been gathering dust.
I must leave this harbor for the sea.
I'm too young to settle down and make a home.
But I don't know where I'm wanting to be.
I just know I have to be there alone.

Stole my time.
All my time.
Stole my time for you.

Pale winter sun
Is beating the ground.
Why am I throwing away
The best thing that I've found?
My young heart's in tatters and I'm sure
That it will be a long time healing.
It's so hard to see what I'm doing this for
When loneliness is all I'm feeling.

Stole my time.
All my time.
Spend my time for you.

Now the wind it's blowing,
Blowing leaves through the trees.
I've got no use knowing
That with time it will ease.
I don't know where I'm going.
I hope I get there soon,
Because my soul is hollow
As the sorrowful moon. ...

-- David Gray, "Gathering Dust"

Monday, December 12, 2005

My song is love unknown

When I was very small, I told myself 20 was going to be the best year of my life. Here's to hoping I was right.
Yet it seems like it hasn't gotten off to that great of a start: I'm not The D.O.'s next managing editor. I know Copy is my niche, but I can't stay there forever, nor do I want to. After awhile, being the person who takes the brunt of criticism for errors in the paper gets a little tiring.
Also, my grandfather's dying. Well, he's been dying for years now, but this time it's for real. He has pneumonia, and it's up to whether he should have a feeding tube or not. It's like a Terry Schiavo situation. I don't want him to suffer and neither do my parents. They've basically signed off that it's OK if he declines the feeding tube, meaning that in a matter of a week or so, he'd die. I wasn't that close to my grandpa, but naturally that doesn't make me feel too wonderful knowing that he's probably going to die.
According to two credible female sources, Scott's got something "cute" planned tonight. I'm hoping that will bring me out of my birthday blues.