Tuesday, May 23, 2006

I am a true Italian ...

... because I have a cappuccino for breakfast every morning.

Ethan and I are planning a trip to Toronto for next week. Now this trip is mainly because we're 19 and 20, of legal age to go to bars in Canada. Besides, we've never been there before and would like to see the sights, and it's only 90 minutes away from Buffalo. It's a perfect opportunity, since I won't start work until June 5 and he has days off, so we'd otherwise just be hanging out with nothing else to do. Road trip! We'll be staying there from May 31 to June 1; we've already chosen a hotel on the outskirts of the city. I've picked out some interesting-looking bars I found on the Internet that we'll be visiting. What a trip it will be.

Also planned for later on in the summer is a July 22 Goo Goo Dolls/Counting Crows concert at Darien Lake. Now that's going to be the show of the summer, especially since every other act I've seen coming around here this summer is below par. Most likely there'll be several trips to Thursdays in the Square for some of those free shows. Last year I went to visit Scott and we attended one of those to see Howie Day. Hey, a free concert -- how could I resist?

On Friday Dad and I head out to Buffalo in the wee hours of the morning for my drug test. Yes, I'm pretty confident I'll pass. That night we'll stay at Nana's, and on Saturday my apartment should be ready by 1 p.m., which frustrated my father a little because my family is going to our camp for the weekend, which means he won't get there until later. (He was hoping to have me moved in by 9 or 10 a.m. -- oh well.)

Tonight on the dinner menu: fried chicken thighs, biscuits and stir-fry vegetables, probably with a gravy-like sauce made from the chicken juices and white wine. For me? I'm not sure yet -- something meatless, of course. Probably a salad. I've been cooking every night I've been home. There's something about making something that I know will please others that makes me feel good -- not to mention my mom loves it because it gives her more time to herself, something I don't think she often gets to enjoy. Food is the one thing I've found that makes me most happy. The feeling I get from making something both I and others can enjoy is just amazing -- it's impossible to describe.

Saturday, May 20, 2006

For all of time

In less than a week I'll move to Buffalo. I'm excited -- I'll be on my own for real this time ... well, maybe not. I'll have people I know around me. I'll be living alone, but I sure won't be lonely.

And on the other end of the country ... surprisingly, I'm not too depressed. Of course I'll miss him -- I won't see him that much for at least the next two years. But we're both heading in different directions for awhile, so I don't really think there's much we can really do. Ties will still be kept strong. I'm happy with that. There will be time later on to renew things and go from there. I have my life ahead of me, not just the next two years.
So lately, been wondering
Who will be there to take my place.
When I'm gone, you'll need love
To light the shadows on your face.
If a great wave shall fall
And fall upon us all,
In between the sand and stone,
Could you make it on your own?

If I could, then I would.
I'll go wherever you will go,
Way up high or down low.
I'll go wherever you will go.

And maybe I'll find out
A way to make it back someday
To watch you, to guide you
Through the darkest of your days.
If a great wave shall fall,
And fall upon us all,
Then I hope there's someone out there
Who can bring me back to you.

Run away with my heart.
Run away with my hope.
Run away with my love.

I know now just quite how
My life and love might still go on:
In your heart, in your mind,
I'll stay with you for all of time.

If I could turn back time,
I'll go wherever you will go.
If I could make you mine,
I'll go wherever you will go.

- The Calling, "Wherever You Will Go"

Saturday, May 13, 2006

My young heart's in tatters

People have complained about me just plastering lyrics around, but sometimes I just have no words.
Oh no, here comes that sun again.
That means another day without you, my friend.
And it hurts me to look into the mirror and myself,
And it hurts even more to have to be with somebody else.

And it's so hard to do and so easy to say,
But sometimes, sometimes you just have to walk away.

So many people to love in my life--
Why do I worry about one?
But you put the happy in my ness
You put the good times in my fun.

We've tried the goodbye for so many days.
We walk in the same direction so that we can never stray.
They say if you love somebody then you have got to set them free.
But I would rather be locked to you than live in this pain and misery.

They say time will make all this go away.
But it's time that has taken my tomorrows and turned them into yesterdays.
And once again that rising sun is dropping on down.
And once again, my friend, you are nowhere to be found.

- Ben Harper, "Walk Away"

Tuesday, May 09, 2006

I know I'm left with nothing more than my own soul

Tomorrow morning I move out. The thought brings with it a feeling of both melancholy and excitement: On one hand, I'm leaving all I've known for the past year; on the other, I'm moving on to something new and exciting. Not to mention the fact that last night was the last real evening I'll probably get to spend with Scott for a long time ... months -- years even. That hasn't even really hit me yet.

My last final, history, is tonight. Three paragraph-long IDs and one long essay. I've written down pages of notes and an outline for the essay, but I haven't really taken much time to study them. I think I'll be OK though. At this point, I'm quite frankly beyond caring. That summer mentality has set in, and it won't be gone until around September. Now that I won't be working at The D.O., it may just stick around a little longer.

It's too bad Woody won't be around this summer. I only have two weeks at home and then it's off to Buffalo. Brant and I will probably get together a few nights and wreak our usual havoc around town like we always do.

There's so much different about this summer than last, or even the one before that. I won't be home, Michael's graduating and going on tour ... he won't be attending college in the fall. It was with heavy hearts my parents asked Roberts Wesleyan to hold his application for a year. We're not even sure if he'll go next fall either. I never thought I'd belong to a family where my sibling didn't attend college after graduation. It's a different mindset, I think, to realize you're the only one in your family in school at the moment. My brother, the Christian rock star ... it has an odd ring to it. I can't imagine how it must be for my parents, to have to house their youngest son now and then when he comes home from touring. Come to think of it, my mom will probably enjoy it; it's one more tie to keep her hanging on to her children for a little while longer.

I wonder what I'll do for fun in Buffalo. There has to be so much more than in the Valley. Ah, summer.

Saturday, May 06, 2006

Half the world is sleeping while the other half deams

One final town. One to go. Now all I need is a study guide.

Things are winding down again. It' s hard to believe I'll be a junior in the fall. Time really does fly. Already half of my college career is over.

I move back on May 10 only to scamper back and forth from Syracuse to home for the next few days. On the 13th I may go out to meet Scott's family (parents, grandma and brother) and spend some time with them for the day. Then on the 14th (Mother's Day) I'm getting up mad early to make it to graduation on time (it starts at 9 a.m. sharp in the Carrier Dome), then I'll probably head home around noon, if I can, so I can make it back in time to start grilling at Grammy and Grampy's for our Mother's Day celebration. I've decided to make apricot-mustard grilled pork chops with spanish asparagus and orange salad with some Parmesan mashed potatoes that I'll also grill in tin foil. It probably won't take all too long to make. I'm even going to make my own simple oil, vinegar, salt and pepper dressing for the salad. I always get excited about planning and cooking for the family. They always seem to enjoy it, probably as much as I enjoy doing it for them.

Monday, May 01, 2006

Have you forgotten how to love yourself?

It seems as if at the end of the line, things suddenly start getting so much harder. It's my second to last night as a Daily Orange slave, and it's going to be a long one.

Frankly, I have mixed feelings about leaving. On the one hand, I won't have to deal with the long nights, the stress when things go wrong, the waiting around. I'll get to be a "real" student again, my nights free to stretch out on my couch in front of the television. When I come home from class, I won't have to worry about catching the bus an hour later to work, scrambling around the kitchen to whip up something quick yet savory in a matter of minutes. Then again, I'll miss the comraderie of the office, being a head editor, being able to have a say in the production of one of the top student-run independent college papers in the country. It's definitely been a good three semesters. I've learned more in these three semesters than I'll probably ever learn in four years in Newhouse. Without The D.O., I wouldn't have gotten an internship at The Buffalo News this summer, I would have never written my first real news story, would have never met all these wonderful people that have changed my life only for the better. They opened my eyes to the world out there, and taught me a couple lessons in the meantime. I don't want to speculate where I'd be without them.

But despite all that, it's time I bowed out and took a nice long rest from all that work. Part of me says I should stay around in case things go wrong, but the other part says it's time to let go and let someone else handle it for once; after all, it really isn't my job anymore. Right now it's hard to tell whether that's a good or a bad thing.

Nevertheless, I volunteered to re-update the D.O. stylebook during the summer. I figure I won't have much else to do during the day while lazing around my apartment anyway. That's right -- I found an apartment about 2 miles from downtown Buffalo, one block from Elmwood Avenue, where all the "action" happens, according to Nana. Ethan's living in Amherst, a suburb about 15 minutes away from me. If I still had pictures of the place, I'd post them. The apartment, I've been told, is big enough for two people, though it's a one-bedroom. The kitchen, living room and bedroom look really nice, simple and clean. I'm pumped. I move in on May 26, the same day as my drug-screening test, so I'm told. I think the plan is to stay overnight at Nana's on May 25, take my test in the morning and then move in. As it turns out, Ethan and I are taking a trip to Buffalo this Wednesday to check out our respective apartments. It'll be great to have a place to myself for the summer. Thing is, it's only available until Aug. 5, so I'll have to live with Nana until the end of my internship. I'll have to plot the bus route extra carefully, since that'll be my main means of transportation all summer, unless Ethan's car is available now and then. Still, it should be a great summer. There're already plans to attend a Goo Goo Dolls concert sometime in July.

My last NEW 305 story, a profile on an SU student, was officially turned in last Thursday at 1,445 words. I'm especially proud of this one; I'll find out my grade tomorrow afternoon during the last class. I also wrote and turned in my last history paper, and wrote my four-page German paper (in English) this past weekend. I'll turn it in on Tuesday. All I have left to do is finish line-editing these flashfictions for my fiction writing class, write up a two-page analysis of a Rilke poem (in German) for German and study for my two finals: history and human sexuality. The latter shouldn't be too difficult ... just kidding. I've been scribbling down notes from the book, which I don't read unless I'm studying for an exam. History is always a bitch to study for, because the exams are based on paragraph-long blurbs about certain topics we studied, and then an essay (luckily, we get the topics before the test). On May 10, I move back home for a couple weeks.

Truth be told, I'm actually looking forward to going back to that small-town environment. It's so much simpler there; while everyone else bustles around their daily lives, all I have to worry about is what I'm going to be cooking for dinner that night. My bed is comfortable, my room is (finally) beginning to smell like me again (instead of She-Whose-Name-We-Shall-Not-Mention) and I've developed a newfound respect for my brother. Things seem so much easier there, and I'm surrounded by loved ones. I love having my entire family for a nice evening with dinner and just sitting and hearing them talk. Sometimes getting back to one's roots can be therapeutic.