Thursday, August 24, 2006

Summertime has come and gone

Summer is slipping through my fingers. Before I know it, the wind will get crisper and the leaves will turn colors. I'm kind of looking forward to it. I love fall. But there's always a kind of nostalgia that accompanies the end of summer and return to "normal" life -- in my case, life at school, which at this point hardly seems normal at all. It's hard to remember that life; I feel so much different now, having spent the summer on my own, making new friends and working at a real newspaper -- I feel like I've grown up to the extent that it's made me almost a different person than who I was last year. I guess that's how it is. But it's good. I haven't forgotten the people I love at school. There are so many things I'm looking forward to, so many things to get back into, and I can't wait for it all to happen.
And as I'm growing older, I'm bored,
and I remember when misery thrilled me much more
when I can't relax, and I'd like to go back.
But that's gone -- yeah, that's gone.
Turn around; turn the volume down.
We're counting the days down. ...

Oh, what fun,
I can't wait till the future gets here.

- Ben Folds Five, "Video"
It seems as if things have gone by so fast, but when I look back, it's hard to imagine that at one point I was living in an apartment in the city with two months left to go until I had to move. Now look where I am: in the suburbs with my nana with two days until it's all over -- summer, my internship, all the crazy adventures -- but are they really? I see it as just moving on to a new set of adventures, which are sure to ensue. I love fall semester. Everything seems so new. I always hearken back to my freshman year, when everything held such potential, when we'd walk on the street and not care about the harassing from upperclassmen driving by us in their cars who knew we were freshmen by our sheer numbers. Football games, parties, the freedom the not-too-hot, not-too-cool weather gave us. It brings back good feelings when I think about it. Last year, I tried to bring those feelings back, but I just couldn't quite do it. Now there are new memories from last year that bring me back and make me want to reproduce them in this year, but I know it won't be possible. Still, there are new memories to be made, and I'm more than ready to begin that process. I have a good feeling about this year, in particular, but I'm not sure why.
I don't recall a single care,
just greenery and humid air.
Then Labor Day came and went,
and we shed what was left of our summer skin.

- Death Cab for Cutie, "Summer Skin"
I said goodbye to someone last night. I hadn't seen much of him recently, and it had kind of bothered me, but I'm glad we could settle things before I left and not leave on awkward terms. We have this summer -- it's so amazing the people you meet. That's the fun of it all, to me: meeting people in the most random of situations. Most times it's temporary and fleeting, but moving on has its own merits, too. It's time I got to moving on. I'm just waiting for the time when it can all happen.

I'm ready to go back to campus. I feel like I'll be starting over there, like I'm a new person. It's hard to explain, because as much as I have changed, I really haven't all that much. The more things change, the more they really stay the same.

I've been kind of on a depressed streak lately, but yesterday something unknown happened, and I broke through. I think I was just anxious, and now that I can see the light at the end of the tunnel, I can be at ease. So bring on the next adventure. I'm ready.
Summertime has come and gone,
all used up with wishful thinking.
Get sussed out; get cynical.
In this world, there are no second chances. ...
I will tear myself apart
if you promise to paint me as a work of art.

- Bloc Party, "Always New Depths"


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